Scantastic

So. Finally. The 12 week scan!

The letter inviting me to the scan advised that I must come to the appointment with a full bladder, with warnings that if this is not abided by, the scan may have to be rearranged. So, with this firmly in mind, I made sure I drank a good pint of water half an hour before the scan was due. By the time Giles and I arrived at the hospital, my bladder was certainly full - I was absolutely desperate! Typically, the scan was delayed by 30 minutes - and by the time we were called in, I was actually in physical pain! 

I lay in the bed and had the conductive gel splodged onto my tummy... As she pressed the scanner in, she said "oh my goodness, you really ARE desperate for the toilet!" - and all you could see on the scan screen was a huge bladder!!!! I was advised to pop to the loo and "release half of it"!!!! How on earth do you judge when you have released half a wee?!? It's very difficult I can tell you!

Anyway, after relieving myself of half a wee, the gel was slapped back in and the scan could begin! It was so lovely seeing the baby wriggling about all over the place. It was not behaving (which is not a good start to the next 18 years!) and she had to press extremely hard sideways on to get a good view. We had the classic scan snaps taken - side on, close up face and one that looks like an alien! I am now waiting impatiently for the next one at 20 weeks :) 

Medical mayhem

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions. Anxiety, terror and relief. 

ANXIETY
I have been getting intense stabbing pains on my left hand side, on and off throughout my pregnancy. The last week or so, it has been getting more and more intense. I kept putting off going to the doctors as it kept coming and going - so I kept thinking it had gone away. The pains lasted around half an hour and some were so debilitating - I was doubled over in pain. So, Tuesday, I phoned the doctor to ask their advice - thinking they'd just say it was normal and to get over it - but instead then booked me in for an emergency appointment. 

The doctor was absolutely lovely. She spent a long time asking questions, feeling my tummy for pain points and was considering doing an internal examination (my first thought was - uh oh, I haven't shaved my legs!). She then revealed that she was worried the pregnancy could be ectopic and growing inside the fallopian tube and so was going to refer me to the Early Pregnancy Unit at the hospital. I was not expecting that! 

TERROR 
I had an appointment through for the very next day and went along with my husband. The waiting room was pretty distressing. There was a couple who had obviously just had some bad news and the girl was in floods of tears. Then there were other ladies with kids running amok around the small waiting room! Anyway, after a tense hour wait, we were invited in to talk to one of the nurses, who went through my symptoms and explained that as I was only 8.5 weeks pregnant, they would be performing an internal examination (external examinations are done at 9 weeks onwards). Again - I was not expecting that! But this time, I had shaved my legs just in case!

RELIEF 
I was called in for the internal scan, whipped off my clothes and the doctor got to work. My heart was beating so fast - but we didn't had to wait long at all. Almost immediately she said that there was a baby and it was growing in the right place. She showed us the baby on the screen and we were able to see a tiny heartbeat and it wriggling around all over the place (which doesn't bode well for later on!). The doctor said that the baby is actually measuring at 9 weeks (my maths is obviously terrible!) so I could have had a tummy scan after all! Apparently the pain I have been experiencing is due to a cyst on my left ovary, which is where the egg that was fertilized was released from. The cyst is currently dying away and detaching itself, causing the pain. Most women don't even feel it. Anyway, we are both hugely relieved. I am perfectly happy to put up with the pain now I know that nothing is wrong with the baby - and also discovered I am able to take paracetamol for it! I had been under the impression that all drugs were a no go! 

The relief was huge and we are both so happy that everything is ok. I can't stop thinking about the couple in the waiting room, for whom the news wasn't so good. So very sad and difficult to get over. At 9 weeks pregnant I FEEL pregnant and I have fully accepted mentally that I am pregnant. To have that taken away from you must be so awful. 

The Waiting Game

Time is passing, but not quick enough! Everything about pregnancy seems to be about waiting! Once one milestone has passed, the next one can't come quick enough. The next wait is for the 12 week scan - only 4.5 more weeks to hang on. I know that is soon as the 12 week scan is done - the 20 week scan will be on the horizon! 

Everything seems to be going 'ok'. Though it's hard when you don't really know what 'ok' is! I am having sore cramps (like period pains) pretty much every day at various intervals and then occasionally rather more painful cramps in my left side. The midwife assured me that all of this was normal, so I'm trying to keep calm and not worry! I'm finding it to be quite an isolated, lonely place. I would normally be talking about something this important with all of my friends, colleagues and any other bugger would care to listen! So it does feel rather strange keeping this to ourselves. Again - ROLL ON THE 12 WEEK SCAN!

Symptom Searching

Even now I know that I am pregnant, I haven't stopped the searching for 'symptoms'. As I don't look pregnant yet and it's such early days, I find myself looking for every bit of reassurance that everything is ok and going well. To be perfectly honest, I have felt pretty much normal since the beginning, with a couple of exceptions. 

Just three days after conception, I had really sore nipples and breasts. It hurt to wear a bra - but also hurt not to. This lasted around a week, before everything went back to normal. I am now in week 6 of pregnancy. I have been getting a sharp pain in my left side for about 20 minutes at a time, once a day - followed by various aches and stretching pains for a couple of hours. I've done what any first time pregnant lady would do and 'googled it' and feel comfortable that this is all pretty normal. I started to scare myself that I had an ectopic pregnancy (symptoms of which are sharp pains in the side of the body) - but the pain is bearable, and not coupled with any bleeding so I think I am ok. 

Apart from these two things, nothing has changed. I still have my appetite, I haven't felt sick (just slightly when I wake up - but this is no different to normally really!) and I haven't had any headaches, spotting, tiredness - or the other million and one symptoms that you COULD get in the early stages.  I feel pretty lucky really as I have just watched one of my close friends go through hell in the first 12 weeks of her pregnancy. She lost over a stone as she was so sick and could barely leave her bed! Touch wood, I seem to be getting off rather lightly! Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon...!

"The News"

Since I found I was 'with child' I have been ITCHING to tell people and share the news. I want to tell family, friends, workmates, pets, passers by, Tom, Dick and Harry...! I have never been the best at keeping a secret, especially of  my own. The advice seems to suggest that it's best not to tell people about a pregnancy until after the 12 week scan as there are so many things that can potentially go wrong in early pregnancy. This is obviously a very good point - it would be terrible to share the news and for everyone to be excited and interested about it and then for something to happen. However, if something did happen (god forbid) then surely I would want support from the people that I love? Plus, I imagine pretty much all of my close friends will just work it out when they clock that I am not drinking cider or wine or eating blue cheese!! 

So we have reached a compromise. Last night, I headed over for dinner with my mum and dad and told them the news. Half way through dinner, I asked them what they were up to in April - the answer being nothing. Then I advised that they may want to avoid booking a holiday as I would be having a baby. My mum made me repeat it three times and my dad was just stunned! They were overjoyed, emotional and excited and I am SO SO glad that they now know! Phew! We will be telling my mother in law as soon as possible too, but then that's the lot. As I said above - I can almost guarantee that by the time the scan comes along, the majority of our close friends will have noticed - they're an observant lot!

The wait is over!

My experience so far of all things pregnancy related involves some sort of waiting. Waiting for the right time of the month. Waiting until it's time to take a pregnancy test. And finally waiting, that oh so painful wait, for the pregnancy test to tell you the news. 

As predicted, my control issues got the better of me and I started testing from about Tuesday onwards (period due Saturday). I was using very cheap little test strips - something like £1 for 10. These showed the most insignificant little line - which I disregarded entirely. On Thursday I 'upgraded' to some Asda test and also bought a Clearblue digital, ready to test on Saturday. The Clearblue ones are rather expensive, so I wanted to go through the cheaper options first! So, the Asda test on Thursday revealed a faint line - there was definitely something there - but when it's so faint, it is just hard to believe. Friday morning (one day before period) I did another Asda test and again a very faint line. So.... I whipped out the Clearblue a day early... and 

Pregnant! (I still didn't believe this entirely so did a final asda test check on Saturday morning, just to make sure!). Finding out is the oddest feeling every - excitement and slight terror at the same time. Then thinking what the hell next?! Who do I have to tell? How on earth am I going to 'hide it' from my friends when we go out? Will we need a new car? Lots to think about and plan, but I love a challenge! I'm not sure it has quite sunk in yet. My husband seems a little reluctant to get really excited as he is aware that the first 12 weeks is a critical time and things can go wrong. I can't contain my excitement as much!

So, The moral of the conception story is... don't waste your money on the cheaper pregnancy tests as even if they have the pregnant line, you won't believe it! Wait until the day your period is due and just go for the digital! 

What a pain in the...!

So, this thing called implantation. How unfair is it that the tell tale signs are pretty much exactly the same as pre-menstrual symptoms?! As if the two week isn't bad enough without confusing it with this! Today I have what feel like period pains, 9 days after ovulating and 5 days before my period is due. I'm trying to convince myself that it feels a bit different from normal period pains... But really and truly, it doesn't!

It's the final countdown...

I am struggling. Patience has never been my virtue! Despite trying my hardest not to, all I can think about is whether I am pregnant - I am even dreaming about it. I have however restrained from buying a pregnancy test yet as apparently they won't work until at least 4 days before a period is due (Tuesday for me - Boots, look out!). There are loads of clever little calculators out there. I used this one to work out all of my dates: http://www.whenmybaby.com 

Looks like I have to hold on until Tuesday at least - argh!....

DPO, DTD, AP.... Um... What now?

So the last two days I have had sore breasts. I have been holding off testing as I know it's too early (though I'm sure I won't be able to restrain myself for much longer!) So instead, I thought I would do a quick little search of the interweb to see if it could be...

There are about a million and one forums and chat rooms of women posting about their symptoms - it is a whole other world! There even seems to be a whole language that only they know - throwing around acronyms like DPO, DTD and AP. They all seem to know what it means, but I don't have the faintest!! So after a lot of confusion and having lost interest in investigating why my boobs hurt, I did some digging and cracked the code.... Here is is:

AF = Aunt Flow
CM = Cervical Mucus
DPO = Days Past Ovulation
BFP = Big Fat Positive
BFN = Big Fat Negative
DD = Darling Daughter
DH = Darling Husband
DS = Darling Son
DTD = Did the Deed
2ww = two week wait
LO = Little one
HPT = Home pregnancy Test 

Who would have guessed?! So, my DH and I DTD and it's now 6 DPO (am in the 2ww period) and I am waiting until I can do a HPT and hopefully get a BFP! I actually think it took me longer to work out how to put the acronyms in to a sentence than it would if I typed if all out in good old English words! Ha! 

Go stick yourself!

I have never weed on so many little bits of cardboard in all of my life! It seems to be all you do, all through the month once you have made the decision to try for a baby. There are sticks to wee on to check when you are not ovulating, sticks to wee on to check when you are about to ovulate and sticks to wee on to check when you are at peak fertility and are ovulating! And then there is only about a weeks respite before you’re weeing on sticks to check if you might be pregnant!

I realise that you don’t HAVE to do all this and excessive stick weeing is not compulsory – but my slightly obsessive/over organised personality means that I couldn’t do anything but. We had planned to start ‘trying’ / stop trying not to get pregnant as soon as we were married – and so what better opportunity to start than on our honeymoon! I nipped to Boots and bought myself a Clearblue digital ovulation kit (gobsmacked at the price…!) and packed it away in the suitcase. Every morning, I weed on the stick, waiting to see the ‘smiley face’ that means you are able to ovulate and should go at it like rabbits for the next couple of days. Typically, the day the smiley face came along, so did a bout of holiday tummy and sex was the last thing on my mind. Anyway – we made an effort for a few days after the smiley face (wow this all sounds so romantic!) and hoped for the best.

I had bought a load of those cheap pregnancy tests that detect the pregnancy hormone before you have missed your period. Everyone came back negative. Even though I pretty much knew it wouldn’t have worked, I was still really disappointed – only to be confirmed by the arrival of my period. I hadn’t thought that I would feel like that after one month of trying. Every single one of my friends have got pregnant within one or two months of trying – so I feel some sort of nervous pressure I guess. I realise that this is not the norm and it can take quite a while – and am fully prepared for this – but I guess there is just always a hope that it will happen quickly when it's your turn.

So... after another few weeks of weeing on sticks and the arrival of another ovulation confirming smiley face… my husband trapped a nerve in his shoulder! Not a good start. We did "our best" (again, so romantic!) and now I’m playing the waiting game. I have now moved on to analysing the way I feel every single day – convincing myself that my boobs hurt (when actually it’s just muscle strain from lifting boxes), thinking I have gone off coffee (when actually the weather is too warm to make me want to drink it) and thinking I’m tired all the time (no change to normal!). I’m going to try not to obsess so much, NOT do the whole stick thing and just wait for my period/no period.  Patience is a virtue….