The Waiting Game

Time is passing, but not quick enough! Everything about pregnancy seems to be about waiting! Once one milestone has passed, the next one can't come quick enough. The next wait is for the 12 week scan - only 4.5 more weeks to hang on. I know that is soon as the 12 week scan is done - the 20 week scan will be on the horizon! 

Everything seems to be going 'ok'. Though it's hard when you don't really know what 'ok' is! I am having sore cramps (like period pains) pretty much every day at various intervals and then occasionally rather more painful cramps in my left side. The midwife assured me that all of this was normal, so I'm trying to keep calm and not worry! I'm finding it to be quite an isolated, lonely place. I would normally be talking about something this important with all of my friends, colleagues and any other bugger would care to listen! So it does feel rather strange keeping this to ourselves. Again - ROLL ON THE 12 WEEK SCAN!

Symptom Searching

Even now I know that I am pregnant, I haven't stopped the searching for 'symptoms'. As I don't look pregnant yet and it's such early days, I find myself looking for every bit of reassurance that everything is ok and going well. To be perfectly honest, I have felt pretty much normal since the beginning, with a couple of exceptions. 

Just three days after conception, I had really sore nipples and breasts. It hurt to wear a bra - but also hurt not to. This lasted around a week, before everything went back to normal. I am now in week 6 of pregnancy. I have been getting a sharp pain in my left side for about 20 minutes at a time, once a day - followed by various aches and stretching pains for a couple of hours. I've done what any first time pregnant lady would do and 'googled it' and feel comfortable that this is all pretty normal. I started to scare myself that I had an ectopic pregnancy (symptoms of which are sharp pains in the side of the body) - but the pain is bearable, and not coupled with any bleeding so I think I am ok. 

Apart from these two things, nothing has changed. I still have my appetite, I haven't felt sick (just slightly when I wake up - but this is no different to normally really!) and I haven't had any headaches, spotting, tiredness - or the other million and one symptoms that you COULD get in the early stages.  I feel pretty lucky really as I have just watched one of my close friends go through hell in the first 12 weeks of her pregnancy. She lost over a stone as she was so sick and could barely leave her bed! Touch wood, I seem to be getting off rather lightly! Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon...!

The wait is over!

My experience so far of all things pregnancy related involves some sort of waiting. Waiting for the right time of the month. Waiting until it's time to take a pregnancy test. And finally waiting, that oh so painful wait, for the pregnancy test to tell you the news. 

As predicted, my control issues got the better of me and I started testing from about Tuesday onwards (period due Saturday). I was using very cheap little test strips - something like £1 for 10. These showed the most insignificant little line - which I disregarded entirely. On Thursday I 'upgraded' to some Asda test and also bought a Clearblue digital, ready to test on Saturday. The Clearblue ones are rather expensive, so I wanted to go through the cheaper options first! So, the Asda test on Thursday revealed a faint line - there was definitely something there - but when it's so faint, it is just hard to believe. Friday morning (one day before period) I did another Asda test and again a very faint line. So.... I whipped out the Clearblue a day early... and 

Pregnant! (I still didn't believe this entirely so did a final asda test check on Saturday morning, just to make sure!). Finding out is the oddest feeling every - excitement and slight terror at the same time. Then thinking what the hell next?! Who do I have to tell? How on earth am I going to 'hide it' from my friends when we go out? Will we need a new car? Lots to think about and plan, but I love a challenge! I'm not sure it has quite sunk in yet. My husband seems a little reluctant to get really excited as he is aware that the first 12 weeks is a critical time and things can go wrong. I can't contain my excitement as much!

So, The moral of the conception story is... don't waste your money on the cheaper pregnancy tests as even if they have the pregnant line, you won't believe it! Wait until the day your period is due and just go for the digital! 

What a pain in the...!

So, this thing called implantation. How unfair is it that the tell tale signs are pretty much exactly the same as pre-menstrual symptoms?! As if the two week isn't bad enough without confusing it with this! Today I have what feel like period pains, 9 days after ovulating and 5 days before my period is due. I'm trying to convince myself that it feels a bit different from normal period pains... But really and truly, it doesn't!

It's the final countdown...

I am struggling. Patience has never been my virtue! Despite trying my hardest not to, all I can think about is whether I am pregnant - I am even dreaming about it. I have however restrained from buying a pregnancy test yet as apparently they won't work until at least 4 days before a period is due (Tuesday for me - Boots, look out!). There are loads of clever little calculators out there. I used this one to work out all of my dates: http://www.whenmybaby.com 

Looks like I have to hold on until Tuesday at least - argh!....

Go stick yourself!

I have never weed on so many little bits of cardboard in all of my life! It seems to be all you do, all through the month once you have made the decision to try for a baby. There are sticks to wee on to check when you are not ovulating, sticks to wee on to check when you are about to ovulate and sticks to wee on to check when you are at peak fertility and are ovulating! And then there is only about a weeks respite before you’re weeing on sticks to check if you might be pregnant!

I realise that you don’t HAVE to do all this and excessive stick weeing is not compulsory – but my slightly obsessive/over organised personality means that I couldn’t do anything but. We had planned to start ‘trying’ / stop trying not to get pregnant as soon as we were married – and so what better opportunity to start than on our honeymoon! I nipped to Boots and bought myself a Clearblue digital ovulation kit (gobsmacked at the price…!) and packed it away in the suitcase. Every morning, I weed on the stick, waiting to see the ‘smiley face’ that means you are able to ovulate and should go at it like rabbits for the next couple of days. Typically, the day the smiley face came along, so did a bout of holiday tummy and sex was the last thing on my mind. Anyway – we made an effort for a few days after the smiley face (wow this all sounds so romantic!) and hoped for the best.

I had bought a load of those cheap pregnancy tests that detect the pregnancy hormone before you have missed your period. Everyone came back negative. Even though I pretty much knew it wouldn’t have worked, I was still really disappointed – only to be confirmed by the arrival of my period. I hadn’t thought that I would feel like that after one month of trying. Every single one of my friends have got pregnant within one or two months of trying – so I feel some sort of nervous pressure I guess. I realise that this is not the norm and it can take quite a while – and am fully prepared for this – but I guess there is just always a hope that it will happen quickly when it's your turn.

So... after another few weeks of weeing on sticks and the arrival of another ovulation confirming smiley face… my husband trapped a nerve in his shoulder! Not a good start. We did "our best" (again, so romantic!) and now I’m playing the waiting game. I have now moved on to analysing the way I feel every single day – convincing myself that my boobs hurt (when actually it’s just muscle strain from lifting boxes), thinking I have gone off coffee (when actually the weather is too warm to make me want to drink it) and thinking I’m tired all the time (no change to normal!). I’m going to try not to obsess so much, NOT do the whole stick thing and just wait for my period/no period.  Patience is a virtue….